I wasn’t really sure about when and who I wanted to tell. I wanted to make it meaningful and tell them when it was right for me. There are a lot of different opinions about this and a lot of really fun and great ways to share the news. Here is what I did, what I wished I did, and what I wish I knew before telling.
Why you might want to tell your other half right away?
I told my husband right away because that felt right to me. Honestly, having him find out with me made the moment so much more special for me because I got to share it with someone.
While we were trying, he was just as excited to know as me. I took the test and we waited together to find out.
What I loved about this was that when the test was negative, he was there to be sad with me. When the test was positive, he was also there to share in the special moment.
If my pregnancy had been a surprise and maybe we weren’t actively trying, then I think I would have waited and made it a special occasion. For instance, maybe I would have grabbed a cute baby gift and made it into a special date.
No matter what you decide, I would tell your other half sooner than later. This way you have someone to support you through initial morning sickness or just the swing of emotions that can come from all of this. You can also start to discuss how you will tell both sides of family, finding a provider and all things baby.
In any case, make sure you take a photo of you two to remember the occasion!
Should you tell family sooner than 13 weeks?
Some choose to tell all of their family before 13 weeks. They might share the good news with everyone right away. I think this choice has a lot to do with how close you are with your family and the type of person you are.
I know some women who have had a miscarriage. The next time they were pregnant, they waited to tell anyone until 13 weeks when the risk for a miscarriage decreases significantly. For me, I think I would only want to go through all of that with my significant other. For others, they want their family to know and that is helpful to them in the grieving process.
You might decide you want to share with your family but not want to share with the world yet. Can your family respect your wishes if you ask them to not share outside of the family yet?
Something that was helpful for me when deciding was playing out different scenarios in my head of how I would feel if x, y or z happened.
Another big reason I wanted to wait was that I was very sick until 13 weeks. The majority of morning sickness goes away by week 13 because the placenta takes over. We don’t live near our family and wanted to tell them in person. I wanted to feel better when we traveled and celebrated with them.
Ways to tell the good news with family:
There are so many awesome ideas out there on how to share the news. My favorite idea is to share the big news during a holiday. It is easier to get everyone together without suspicion.
For instance, at Thanksgiving if you all say what you are thankful for at the table, then you can say you are thankful for this baby. At Christmas, you can get the grandparents a Christmas ornament of the ultrasound or a grandparent ornament, a coffee mug or a baby onesie. If it is Halloween, then throw a Halloween party and wear a pregnant Halloween costume.
Another idea is to think of birthdays. If you, your significant other or a grandparent-to-be has a birthday coming up, then throw a party.
A popular gift is to give grandparents-to-be a baby onesie. I like that idea, but babies grow so fast that they will only wear the onesie for such a short time. I wanted a gift that would last so I settled on picking out a kid book for each grandparent. I found these, How to Babysit a Grandma and How the Babysit a Grandad, and really like them. They are hilarious. There is a 3rd version called How to Babysit a Grandma and a Grandpa if you just want to get them one book.
I wrote a note in them on the back of the front cover to the grandparent-to-be. I then asked them to write a personalized note to baby in the front cover before baby is born with the date. When baby is born, they can enjoy reading the book with their grandchild again and again. I also love that it is a keepsake for the child.
Before you share with anyone, decide on:
The moment you share, everyone will want to know everything. Outside of asking your due date, the big questions will be on gender and name.
I have found through experience that being on the same page with your other half about these answers really helps. Additionally, decide what your policy is going to be on social media throughout your pregnancy. Here are some questions you might get asked:
- Are you going to find out the gender?
- Are you going to share with everyone what the gender will be?
- Do you want a boy or a girl?
- Are you going to have a baby shower?
- Do you have any names picked out?
- Do you like this or that name?
- Are you going to share the name?
- Can I share on Faceboook?
Why we decided to find out and share the gender?
I was very certain that I wanted to wait and find out the gender when baby was born. However, when we got closer, I changed my mind.
My biggest reason to finding out the gender during pregnancy was that I wanted to include my family more in my pregnancy. I finally realized that people are just so excited for you and by sharing the gender, it gave me a way to include people more.
Also, I really didn’t like a lot of the gender-neutral clothing and nursery decor. I also loved the idea of doing a baby shower in the same theme as your nursery, so people knew what theme you are going with. You can re-use all of the decorations from your shower as nursery décor.
Some decide to find out or not find out because they have a certain gender they are hoping for. I am not sure which one helps with gender disappointment. I wanted girls and I have two girls so I never had to really go through that. If you think this might be you, I would spend some time contemplating this decision.
How will you tell them gender?
Of course, you can throw a gender reveal party. But that wasn’t really an option for me since most of my family lives far away. So instead, I called local bakeries and placed an order for them to pick up. I know the grandparents really loved this idea.
Other options are to send something in the mail. You can also send a gift or a confetti popper. When we were pregnant with our second, we took a video of our oldest child breaking into a cupcake to find out what color was inside. We then shared this video with family.
Why we waited until birth to share the name?
Like all of these decisions, this one is really personal and will depend a lot on you, your other half and your family dynamics.
For us, it was important to me that we picked the name. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s opinion on the name. I knew that once the name was finalized most people won’t comment but during pregnancy when you are “still deciding”, they will comment.
Another reason we wanted to wait was because we felt it would make the birth and the announcement of our child to the world more special. And honestly, it really did. I can’t describe how truly special it was to tell immediately in person when they came to meet our child.
If you plan to name your child after a family member, then there is nothing more precious than sharing that name with the person when they hold your child for the first time. My sister-in-law named their child Sarah after her grandma, who had passed away a year ago. She told her grandpa when he visited the hospital and held her for the first time.
Pursue sharing the good news today
Pregnancy is filled with so many decisions and every person’s decision is unique and right for them. Hopefully by sharing my thoughts, I have helped you decide what is best for you.
I included my spouse from the beginning but waited till 13 weeks to share with family. If my family had lived closer, then I might have told them sooner.
I found out the gender because it allowed me to include family in my pregnancy. I really wanted to decorate my nursery during pregnancy and knowing the gender felt like it gave me more options. If I was worried about gender disappointment, then I might have waited.
Lastly, I think that waiting on sharing the name really made the birth more special when we shared the name in person with immediate family.
What did you decide? Please share your thoughts below in comments!