To My Second Child

You are not my first child and never will be. You were never going to be the first time I heard the words mama, the first time celebrating a baby’s birthday, or my first time having a kindergartener. But, I wanted to make sure you never felt less by being second. So, my sweet baby, please let me tell you all the ways I find myself giving you less but also at the same time giving you more.

You are not my first child and never will be.

You were never going to be the first time I heard the words mama, the first time celebrating a baby’s birthday, or my first time having a kindergartener.

But, I wanted to make sure you never felt less by being second.

I didn’t want you to feel like I loved you less and gave you less of me.

But life taught me that while I could never give you everything your older sibling got; you would instead get things I could never give to your older sibling.

So, my sweet baby, please let me tell you all the ways I find myself giving you less but also at the same time giving you more.

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You got less of my time.

When you came along, I still had to take care of your older sibling. I couldn’t dedicate my whole day to you. Instead, we were usually on the toddler’s schedule and I dragged you along.

But you got not just a mom and a dad, but there were three of us to love you when you came home. You had a built-in playmate from day one which was something I couldn’t do for your older sibling.

You were two peas in a pod. I could never entertain you or make you laugh the way like your older sibling could. The amount you learn from this is crazy, including two of your first ten words being “mine” and “no” at only 13 months. Something I wasn’t too crazy about.  

You got less of my patience.

When you came along, I had already been at this whole parenthood thing for 2 years. I had already been dealing with nighttime wake ups and temper tantrums. And so, I had less patience, I was worn down.

But you got a more skilled parent because I learned a lot from your older sibling. I made a lot of first-time parent mistakes and you reaped the benefits.

You got less individual time with me

Your older sibling got two whole years of being the only one before you came along. And most of our individual time was in waiting rooms of your older sibling’s activities.

But you had a whole crew of 3- and 4-year old tots who thought you were the coolest baby around. I swear you thought you were three once you were up and walking. You kept up with them and are one tough cookie, a skill that will serve you well in life.

You got less of my focus

Since your sibling goes through everything first, I had to prepare for the unknown. There was always a learning curve for me. I had to focus on the new challenge or milestone.

But this meant I was calmer with you and less anxious. Also, you got to try and do things at a lot earlier age by being the second. 

You got fewer of my firsts.

More likely than not, almost all of my mom firsts will be with your older sibling.

When I gave birth to your older sibling, I was so excited to finally be a mom and the anticipation of the new experience fed that excitement. I couldn’t wait to experience it myself.

But with you, my joy came from knowing what to look forward to. I couldn’t wait to hold you for the first time or watch you sleep in my arms. You weren’t my first, but it was just as sweet and magical in its own way.

To this day, this is still a theme with you two as you go through life.

And so…

I want you to know these things because I never want you to doubt how much I love you.

And maybe one day, if you decide to have a second child, you too will get to see all the ways less might actually be more.

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You are not my first child and never will be. You were never going to be the first time I heard the words mama, the first time celebrating a baby’s birthday, or my first time having a kindergartener. But, I wanted to make sure you never felt less by being second. So, my sweet baby, please let me tell you all the ways I find myself giving you less but also at the same time giving you more.

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