Having mom friends is an absolute must of parenthood. Once you have kids you won’t be able to relate to anyone who doesn’t. They will be on an absolute opposite schedule than you unable to understand your crazy day to day.
Therefore, once you start to have kids, you also gain a new friend group of people with similar aged kids. These people have been a big help to finding my way with kids. My friends help me survive the crazy and add more fun by having playdates and meet ups. They keep me sane by understanding exactly what I’m going through.
It might take awhile to find those perfect mom friends. You might have to go through many until you find some great ones. But when you do, you will know they are awesome because they won’t do any of these things. Here are seven ways that moms repel potential mom friends.
1. You are always late
I know you have a kid, or kids, but so do I. If you are late once in a while, then I get it because I also have kids too. But here’s the thing, I have kids too. I feel like so many people forget to consider the other person and only think of their needs, schedule, and child.
I also have a schedule to keep. When you are late to the playground, then we will end up staying late, simply because my child was looking forward to playing with their friend. This will probably ruin our nap schedule since someone will fall asleep on the way home.
I have had someone show up over 40 minutes late to a playdate with the lame excuse that their only child woke up late and it took longer than expected to get ready. If you made a commitment and know you need a lot of time to get out of the door, then make sure you plan for that.
My kid was ready for that playdate at 10 am and was a fussy mess after waiting 40 minutes for her friend to show. My baby was also a mess for half the playdate because it ran into her nap. After 20 minutes, seriously just cancel the playdate.
Since the playdate was at my house, I had to be ready at 10 am. Therefore, lesson one is be considerate of other people’s time.
2. You have one-way playdates
I am not sure why some people think it is okay to never host but expect their friend to always do it. I seem to be always stuck as the one to host. Now, I don’t really care about the fact that this means I always have to clean up, etc. Honestly, even without hosting, our house would never be clean anyway.
However, I thought everyone understood the unwritten rule that this is a give and take relationship. I host at my house then you invite us over to your house for a playdate. It’s very simple.
Also, my biggest problem with always hosting is that my child never gets to go play at someone else’s house. She is always having to share her toys, but never the other way. I can’t explain to her that if she shares her toys, then her friend will share when she plays at their house.
And my child also gets cabin fever. We also want to get out once in a while. I had someone even tell me they love coming over so their kid has somewhere to go since staying home all day resulted in meltdowns. Do you think this person ever invited us to their house for playdate? I really don’t get it.
3. You overstay your welcome
While on the topics on playdates, don’t stay until your kid is ready to go. Consider your host and their kids. When do they need you to leave?
The best part about the playdate I told you about above is that because they were 40 minutes late, she said they would just stay later since they were so late. Like what? Who does that?
I had a baby who needed a nap, so I really needed them to be on their way. Thus, putting me in an awkward situation of kicking them out. Let’s just say that was our last playdate with them.
Can anyone relate to this or do I just have some serious bad luck?
4. You never help clean up
So many parents let their kids trash the playroom and don’t help clean up. It surprises me how often it never occurs to parents that they should help clean up the toys before leaving. When hosting, I always clean the playroom before having someone over.
At the end, it is a tornado. When they don’t help, I get to then re-clean the playroom after they leave. Or if your kid is old enough, ask them to help clean up.
I judge hard when parents let their kids trash places, especially public places like the toys at the library, etc. It just tells me that I don’t want anything to do with you.
5. You never bring snack
I have yet to meet a child who doesn’t love snack time. I swear when they get into groups that is all they want to do. If you are meeting up with a couple of parents, bring a snack you can easily share. It is so much easier. It doesn’t need to be challenging or expensive. Mandarin oranges, crackers, or pretzels are all great options. Don’t just leave it to the parent who brings the shareable snack (hint: it’s always me).
Additionally, this helps kids understand sharing. If my kid is the only one sharing a snack, then sharing isn’t a give and take. My kid will see it as they always have to give their snack. If you also bring a shareable snack, then we can work on that give and take sharing business.
6. You take every opportunity to brag
If I tell you that my child isn’t sleeping, then I am looking for an opportunity to talk. This is not an invitation to hear how fantastic of a parent you are.
Please don’t tell me how you have never had a sleep problem ever. Your kids sleep and have since day one and that you really have no idea what I am talking about.
If that is true (which it isn’t), then just be polite and be my friend. Let me talk about how exhausted I am. Lend me your listening ear and offer useful suggestions if you can relate.
I actually think this is the best way to not have a mom friend. So, if you want to quit being friends with someone, this will do the trick.
7. You never ask questions
A friendship must be two ways. When I meet another mom, nothing ends a new friendship like someone who does nothing but talk about themselves.
I recently met a mom at a library who had a daughter the same age. Our kids hit it off and were playing. I decided to chat with the other mom. I asked one question and got a 10-minute answer. She never asked me a single question.
A simple rule is to always follow up with the same question back. You don’t have to be the most outgoing social butterfly on the planet. You just to show interest in the other person’s life.
After all, the main point of having mom friends is to be able to talk about all the ups and downs of motherhood.
Pursue being a good mom friend Today
Motherhood is crazy, exhausting, and wonderful all at the same time. It is so hard to get through it all without mom friends who are going through the same thing as you.
Similar to speed dating, I have gone through a lot of mom friends to find some really awesome moms. All I can say is keep searching and avoid moms who don’t understand the give and take of a friendship.
I now have a group of moms who all hang out together with and without kids. I can honestly say that motherhood wouldn’t be the same without them and these have been some of the closest friendships I have had in life.
So, put yourself out there be a good mom friend and you will be surprised at what you might find.
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