I think so many things are said to moms with good intentions.
Good intentions, but not at all helpful, and as a mom I could really do without.
I don’t know maybe it is just me. After reading, please comment and tell me which ones are on your list or if you have any more to add.
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“Enjoy it, it goes by fast”
When my first was born and I would go places with her wrapped on my chest, so many people would tell me this and still to this day when I am out with my kids, I still hear this.
It would instantly make me feel guilty that I am not spending enough time with them or doing enough. And of course, it would always be a day where I was barely surviving with either no sleep or just extremely fussy kids.
It used to really bother me until I finally realized that the people who say this are grieving. They still have their daughter or son, but they do not have their child. They will never again have their child who has grown up. And seeing me with my kids reminds them.
I know I will be them one day. My kids will grow up too. And I know that this comment is really a way of dealing with regret and grief and has absolutely nothing to do with me.
But still, I don’t need any more mom guilt than I already have.
If you stop having kids at 1,2,3 etc., then you are selfish
We decided to stop at two kids because that was the right choice for us. I decided to share why we stopped at two just as food for thought on people who are trying to decide if they are done at two or not.
And wow, the number of nasty comments I get about how selfish I am for not having more is incredible. You should have as many kids as you want. I should not be the judge of how many kids you have. I haven’t walked one day in your shoes.
It’s like we are all trying to out mom the next and one way to do so is by how many kids you have.
And while we are on that note, why is it that as a society we view moms with only one as “less.” I find it sad how many times I hear moms discredit moms with only one. This idea that you aren’t really a mom until you have more than one. That they are the most selfish. That they never gave up their adult lives. When in reality, you have no idea why they decided one was right for them.
Where are your kids?
If you go out in public without your kids, then the only thing people can think of to ask you is “where are your kids?” Just throwing an idea out here, maybe just maybe I might want to talk about something other than my kids.
Dad is babysitting.
Really… just really?
When someone asks if dad is babysitting, I have always wanted to answer with “yes, and I am going to babysit the kids from 7am till 8:30 am tomorrow when the bus picks them up and then again at 3:30 pm till they go to bed. Oh and every time during the night when they wake up.”
And as more dads take a very active role in parenting, it is such a disservice to use this term “babysitting”. And there are so many better options:
- Does dad have the kids?
- Is dad watching the kids?
- Are the kids with dad?
Honestly, I would even prefer you to ask me if I left the kids home alone with scissors.
It doesn’t get easier, just different
Why are you telling me this? If I am complaining or struggling, the last thing I want to hear is that it won’t get easier. I need to hear I can do it and that it won’t always be so hard. I don’t even care if it is a white lie.
I’m so glad I stayed at home
Unless you are talking to another stay at home mother, what is the point of saying this? It really just makes mothers who decided not to, or could not stay home, feel guilty. I always feel the phrasing of this is as if they avoided a huge disaster. Like I’m so glad we decided to not go to the beach today (because it rained).
I don’t know, maybe someone can enlighten me on why this is so common to say.
The only years you will ever miss are the little ones
If you have littles at home, then you are bound to have someone tell you this. I understand they are missing their own toddlers who have grown up but still it is so unhelpful to a mom of littles.
Some days I am so depressed and miserable with toddlers at home and supposedly this will be the only time in my kids’ lives that I will miss. Everything after this is downhill?
My child eats everything, or my child is a great sleeper and never wakes in the night.
Is the goal of this type of talk a blue ribbon for best parent or is it just to make me feel inferior?
No one has a perfect child. No one.
I mean there isn’t even an adult who will eat everything. Will your child eat raw kale? That’s what I thought. My child will eat sand, chalk, and markers so take that.
And when it comes to sleep. All parents must go through teething, illnesses, nightmares, being too cold or hot in the night, night potty training, etc. Everyone’s kids from the first day goes through continuous cycles of ups and downs when it comes to sleep.
We are all guilty
I know I have been guilty of some of these on my list and I am sure of even more that aren’t on my list. It usually isn’t until I am on the other side that I realize how it might be perceived.
So, what comment do you hate as a mom? Please share in the comments.